Attitude

Trials. Every one has them! No one is given special treatment... Everyone has hard times.  Now sometimes you look at people who have gone through so much and you wonder how they are even able to smile at all.

I had a girl come up to me 2 weeks after my dad passed. She said "How can you smile? How can you focus on school work? How do you even feel like you should even try in life!?" Totally depressing, I know. But she did have a point. My heart was just ripped out and torn into a million pieces but I was still able to smile. Of course, I was sad occasionally  Those first 3 months without him were so awful. I wonder how I even got up out of bed. But then I realize that my attitude was an important factor in it all.

The problem and trial will not go away. That's one of the things I had to accept. I didn't have a choice on whether to go through the hard time or not. BUT, I did have the choice on how my attitude was going to be. I could either whine and be all "Oh my life sucks." I could sit in bed all day and just give up. Or, I could get out of bed, smile and go throughout life as normal as possible. I could either move forward and succeed or give up and fail no matter what.

It wasn't a hard choice. I have always been a dreamer. I have expectations for myself and those still haven't changed all these years. I wanted to get good grades, get my medallion, respect myself and others, graduate high school, go to BYU, and get married in the temple and start a wonderful family. I had all those dreams before my dad passed. Do you think a little bump in the road was going to stop me!? NOPE. I try every single day to make those dreams come true.

Just think about it. If I never got out of bed and never tried to accomplish anything, where would I be today? Well, I would be depressed. Lazy. Tired. Run-down. Sad. I would have terrible grades. I would feel like I had nothing to live for... which is totally false!

I have so much to live for. I want to graduate high school and Young womens. I want to know what it's like to fall in love and marry in the LDS temple. I wanted to know what it feels like to love a child and raise them and teach them. I want to know what it's like to hear my husband walk through the door and kiss me hello. I want to know the feeling of stapling a finished report at the end of a long night. I want to know what it's like to buy a car or a house. I want to live!!

Sitting and doing nothing every day was gonna get me no where. So I did something that took a little bit of bravery. I got up off my bed, whipped tears from my eyes, and smiled. As I looked in the mirror just 2 days after he had passed I felt so sad. But I was so done being sad. I hated every second of it. So I decided to be happy. That was it.

I went to school the following week and let me tell you. That was NOT easy. I had amazing friends that supported me from the second they got the news until today. They still support me! When it first happened, I didn't want anyone to know. I was so afraid of being judged or people asking me what happened, because honestly... I hardly knew myself. my friends told everyone that I had gone on a surprise cruise to Antarctica. (Crazy right!? People actually bought it....) Still makes me laugh to this day. (Of course when I returned to school every one found out. Although sometimes I got people asking how my cruise was.)  There were certain people, although, that had to know. I gave a list to my best friend that had names of people that I felt deserved to know what really happened. She told those people and asked them to keep it on the D.L. I was so thankful to them. The amazing thing about it was that their attitude through it all helped me through it. The smiled and treated me like normal. They did all sorts of things for me. They sent me texts, emails, and letters for days. Cookies and muffins and chocolate came everyday from neighbors, friends, and people I didn't even know!! They were so positive around me, I had a hard time being sad!
That brings me to my next point... please please please. Surround yourself with people that LIFT you up. Not TEAR you down. It really does help.

Glass half full? Glass half empty? well, I always try to be a glass half full kind of person. But lets really think about the glass. Air takes of space right? Well if air takes up 1/2 of the space and water takes up the other 1/2.... then the glass is always 100% full! Crazy right!?

Honestly, just be happy through the hard times. It makes them easier to handle. They don't go away completely but it makes life more enjoyable.

Peace out guys. Smile at someone new everyday and pray every morning and night.

-Tay